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Posts Tagged ‘good books’

A few weeks ago, a dear friend loaned me a book that she had just finished, stating that it had made her think of me and that I would really enjoy it. It is a memoir, and to be honest, I don’t usually go around picking up that type of literature – even though, almost always, I love reading them. I have a thing about hearing other people’s stories; there’s something about people’s actual experiences that speaks to me so much more than abstract ideas. As the post’s title suggests, the book is called “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not”. The author, Trish Ryan,  lives in Boston as well, and used to attend the church that I have just started to “check out” as it were – in large part thanks to this book. She is thirty-something, hilarious,  is married, and has a dog. Obviously there’s a little bit more to her than that, but since I haven’t met her (yet), I’ll start with that.

I was wary when my friend suggested I read this, as I’ve had not-so-great experiences with books that claim that all we need is Jesus and isn’t it so crazy that He is our husband and we really don’t need an actual one and we’re actually pretty low on the spiritual scale if we do?! Like, yay! (Not).  In a nutshell, Ryan’s experience speaks to the fact that the struggle of her desire for her husband, and to figure out her spiritual life, are in fact very much related and it’s okay to pursue them together.  The book starts off with Ryan experiencing a situation where God speaks to her at a red light one day, after she very honestly comes to terms with her poignant desire for a husband.  Ryan says that the Lord communicates the following words in response to her plea: “I want you to want more for yourself. I have a husband for you, and a family, and everything you want, but you need to take Jesus seriously”. (Ryan, 3).

This voice experience comes to Trish after a traumatic situation in her life, when she feels little to no hope for a future filled with light and blessing.  She had had an understanding of God as a child – and at the same time, she also believed that what makes for a happy life is having a great marriage to the right guy. However, since that point, her desire to find the happily ever after ending leads to heartache after heartache, and also into the world of new age philosophy and spirituality. We follow Trish’s journey from a woman who practices astrology and feng sui to “control the circumstances” of her dating life, to the moment when she starts attending a church where all the “Christians” are, the ones who don’t have sex until marriage, and pray, and all that stuff. Hee. She does comes to an understanding of who Jesus is, and specifically who He is in her life and journey. It’s powerful stuff. And the thing that’s intricately related? Her desire for a husband. Much of the book is focused on her attempts to make relationships work, and to her struggles with God once she starts following Him and the husband doesn’t appear right away. I mentioned earlier that now she is married. So it seems that God held onto His promise to her, right? How so? Well…you’ll just have to read to find out! The way that the Lord brings her spiritual AND love lives together is so beautiful, and so Him, really. And I think it suggests quite a few things that I have alluded to before on other posts.

1) I can actually have a burning desire for marriage and the idea of a happily ever after ending – and still be “seeking first the kingdom of God”. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

2)  I really don’t need to have it all together in order for a husband to arrive. Really. In one of her talks on her website, Trish makes a point that I had never thought about before: the idea of self actualization is actually kind of a scam. After all, it doesn’t make much sense to start a whole life together as a unified couple when both people have spent so much time trying to “find themselves”. I felt very encouraged when she says that she learned more about herself and who she is after her marriage.

3) This one’s tough for me to fully believe, but here it is: God cares about my physical desires and needs, not my spiritual ones.  Trish’s story suggests that Jesus does care about my desire for marriage and children, and for my incessant crook in my neck, and my love of pasta. They are very important to Him. His blessings and joy are not just for the spiritual world, or for the life to come, but they are available here, now  (see 1 Peter 5:7 to support this). He delights in not only fulfilling our hopes, but Ryan would argue, in exceeding them as well.

In general, I could not recommend this book enough. Ryan is an amazing writer, profoundly honest, and utterly relatable. If you struggle with your desire for marriage and intertwining that with your faith, as I do, it’s a breath of fresh air to read the experiences of someone who does not give the standard “Jesus is my all” pat answers. It’s real. And it makes me excited to be part of the reality that she states is not only possible, but should be expected, for the believer – and for right now, not just sometime in the future.

You can find Trish’s memoir and her most recent one, A Maze of Grace, at most bookstores and on Amazon.com.

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